Before and After

This was before......Now its after

Kendalls Sweet 16 party was last Saturday   One week ago today.  One week ago I thought everything was great.  She was happy, thrilled even with her party.  She had tons of friends there, family, even her dad and I were getting along great and enjoying the party together.  She got a surprise of her car.  She was so happy.

Then Tuesday came.Tuesday her dad called me and told me Kendall was being taken to the hospital, to the children hospital because she was found in a neighbors yard passed out from a drug overdose.  Kendall tried to kill herself.

This sweet happy child tried to kill herself.  Two days after what seemed to be the greatest night of her life! 

She was found with meth and opiates in her system.  That is from the over the counter Sedated and her anxiety medicine along with some migraine meds.  Why would she do this?  She was rushed to the hostile where she stayed for 2 days then was transferred to a adolescent facility to talk with some therapists and get some help she needs.  

Today was day 2 of visiting her in there.  It is Rough!!  I only get an hour, in a large room with the other parents visiting their children.  all ages from 11-18.  Its a bit awkward at first, after the initial hug and tears. Then it coe s an hour of chatting about everything but the elephant in the room.  When that elephant is mentioned then the tears start, from both her and me.  Its hard to get away from the sadness and hard to get off the roller coaster of feelings that are going on .  Even in Target today I see Halloween Oreos and I think Kendall would love these, but I'm not sure when she will be back, OMG she almost wasn't  back! what would have happened!?

I can't get away from the random thoughts and sadness that run through my head.  the thought of her laying on the grass in a yard. the thought of her being alone in that facility, scared, wanting to come home, wanting to shower, wanting to be that little girl again .  Asking me to lay down and cuddle with her.  

One day at a time.  I just hope that each day will be better than the last.  Every time the phone rings I'm afraid its the center, overtime I go to see her I'm not sure how she will be sad, happy, mad.  Its just one day at a time.

Hug your kids a little tighter tonight.  Hug them talk to them, make the time to listen to them. I wish mine was home so i could do that!

Im Back!

Yes  it's me....I have come back from the life of virtual hiatus and am surfacing back to fill you in on my country chic life.  Where do I begin?  I got married!  Yes November 15, 2015 Harry and I tied the knot.  It was truly the most magical, perfect day I could have had.  Everything I wanted I got in a wedding and I got even more in a marriage to a wonderful, kind ,giving man.  He truly does complete me.

Harrys favorite selfie

At our reception.  It was a magical day!

Harry with our girls.

We are still racing.  One huge change in that...Harry s driving!  It's very exciting.  We went through race car driving school in November then again in January and have been out testing the car multiple times.  His debut was last weekend, in Houston.  While he didn't qualify he did make his fast st time yet and we all learned a lot about working together as a team and what it takes to get the car down the track.  He ended up with his last qualifying pass with a 5.98@249mph!!  It was pretty amazing.  We head out again this weekend for the 4 wide in Charlotte.  What does that mean?  It means that they will race four cars side by side down each run.  That's crazy to me!  It's also thvery first time they will be doing it in our class, pro mod.  Pretty exciting stuff.

Birthday Reflections

I turned 45 last Sunday.  Wow it doesn't even seem right to say Im 45!!  Its funny but I still see myself as a 20 something woman with a baby.  Weird how we see ourselves and the people around us.  For example I don't think my friends I see regularly have aged one bit.  But then there are those people you see every blue moon that when you see them its a shock.  I mean how can they look so Old??  and then the inevitable question…Do I look that old??  

 I don't think I look 45….I keep telling myself!

I went to my first Blackhawks game and became a HUGE fan

I was asked to be in my first fashion show…and I wasn't just in one…I was in Three!!  Never would I imagine that!!

I think being in our 40's is much different from when our parents where that age.  I remember my mom turning 45 and 50, and thinking she looks like a mom.  She looks 45 and 50.  I think with the way society is today we just don't look our age anymore.(at least thats what I'm going to think!)  I mean at 45 my mom was overweight, didn't really do a whole lot of activities with me like playing outside, going on roller coasters and stuff like that. ( side note, she was the MOST amazing mother though and I miss her EVERY SINGLE DAY!) I do those things with my kids.   I think back to the past year and I have had an amazing one.  I mean I not only took my first international trip, BUT I took THREE!!  I am now a world traveler.  Ask me if I would fly, let along fly internationally 10 years ago and I would have said NO WAY!  I have traveled on a road trip over 500 miles away by myself.  I know for a lot of people this is not a big deal however it has taken me 44 years to be able to say I have done that.  Plus I not only did it once, but multiple times!  I have learned to be by myself and to be ok with it, almost enjoy the time I have alone.  Before I feared being by myself.   In the past year I have had a fairy tale proposal.  The man of my dreams made every single dream I had of becoming engaged come true. 

In Zurich…before the big question……

Of course I said YES!!!!

This man makes all my dreams come true.

 He is now giving me my fairy tale wedding happening next year.  November 21, 2015 to be exact.  I actually attribute my growing up with meeting this amazing man.  He has given me the courage to step outside of my box and try new things, go new places and although some of them scare the Hell out of me and I fight him kicking and screaming, after the fact I am usually ALWAYS glad I did them.  Going to the Middle East this summer for example, I did not want to go.  But, looking back I am glad I experienced that and lived to talk about it.  I survived a 21 hour plane ride to Australia  I went to Switzerland and rode a train up to the highest point in Europe to have the man I love take me to the top of the world because thats how I make him feel.  I experienced jet lag, I have eaten things that have not been very good but were culturally native to where I was.  I have been a better mother to my kids, all 4 of them.  Trying to learn from my mistakes and actually having a partner who will parent them WITH me instead of just being a sperm donor and playmate to them.  I would like to think they have benefitted from my growing up also.  Thats how I feel.   I feel that I have finally become a grown up. Not old, but a grown up.

Not older…just better

Mexican Cookies

These cookies were surprisingly good!  I am headed to the

 track tomorrow and I have spent the entire day cooking and 

baking.  I made peanut butter bars, oatmeal crispy cookies, 

sugar free brownies,apple dip, pimento cheese dip, artichoke 

chicken and Taco meat.  Whew!  I am tired, but I loved every 

minute of it.  I wanted to try a new cookie though for this race.

  Something different and boy did I find it.  this chocolate 

cookies has a light sweet taste but the chili powder and 

cinnamon give it a kick.  then at the end the cayenne pepper 

hits you with a zing!  I really like them.  Kendall really liked 

them.  Now we will see if the guys really like them!  I hope 

you try them and enjoy them too.  Have a great Labor Day!!

Oatmeal Crispys and Mexican Cookies

Mexican Cookies

Mexican Cookies

Ingredients:

1/2 cup unsalted butter

6 oz. of semi sweet chocolate chips

1/2 cup light brown sugar

1/4 cup white sugar

2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

2 large eggs

1 cup all purpose flour

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 tablespoon cinnamon

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/8-1/4 teaspoon cayenne 

1 cup chopped walnuts

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Prepare 2 cookie sheets with parchment paper. 

Melt the butter and chocolate together either on the stove top in a heatproof bowl over simmering water (whisking until glossy and smooth) or in the microwave in 25-second increments (whisking after each 25 seconds). Cool the chocolate mixture to room temperature.

In a stand mixer with the paddle attachment beat together the brown and white sugar, eggs and vanilla extract on low speed until mixed well. Pour in the cooled chocolate mixture and mix until combined.

In a separate bowl sift together the flour, cocoa powder, cinnamon, chili powder, baking soda, salt and cayenne.

Add the dry ingredients to the chocolate mixture and mix on low speed until the flour is incorporated well.

Fold in the chopped walnuts.

Scoop 12 equal rounds of the cookie dough for each cookie sheet making 24 cookies in total 

Bake at 350 degrees for approximately 12 minutes.

Cookies should still be a little puffy and soft.

Enjoy!!

Chili in a Jar

Last night I made this super good Chili-in-a-Jar dinner.  Its chili topped with a "Corn Bread" type of bread BUT its low carb!  Harry and Kendall both really liked it, and I thought it was good as well.  The good thing about this is that after you get it into jars and bake it, you can screw on the lid and put in the fridge and it makes for great lunches.  Just reheat in the microwave and Viola!  Instant lunch!

Chili in a Jar

Your favorite chili recipe ( I used mine with ground turkey and no beans.  )

1/2 Cup almond Meal

1/4 Cup Flax Seed Meal

2 Teaspoons Baking Powder

1 Teaspoon Salt

1 Teaspoon Splenda

4 Eggs Beaten

1-2 cups Cheddar Cheese shredded

Mix all ingredients except cheese together and start assembling…

In a Medium sized jar put 1- 1 and 1/2 cup chili…I just used a ladle and it took 2 ladles.  you want the jar half to 3/4 full.  The sprinkle cheese over the top of chili.  This is going to be your barrier so that the bread mixture doesn't seep into the chili.  The using an ice cream scoop scoop 1/4 of the bread mixture into the jar right on top of the cheese.  Fill it almost full.  Place on baking sheet and bake at 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes until the bread is set and browned.  

LET COOL.  This is so hot!  Let it cool for a few minutes before serving.  I served it right in the jars.  It was really good and really cute!

The dough will seem really runny…its suppose to be.  Don't worry it works.

Enjoy!!

Cucumber Greek Salad

This summer I practically lived on this salad.  It is so good, so satisfying, and so filling!  It stays good for a few days so making it the night before makes for a great lunch and a nice side for dinner that night.  It does have the tomatoes in it so make sure you count that as one of your days of the tomato or brussels sprout days. 

Cucumber Greek Salad

1 Container Cherry Tomatoes cut in half

1 Pack of the baby cukes (3-4)sliced and cut in half again

2 Tablespoons of Feta Cheese 

1/2 Can Black Olives Sliced

1 Small Red Onion Chopped

Dressing

1 Teaspoon Oregano

1 Teaspoon Dill

2 Tablespoons Minced Garlic

1 Tablespoons Red Wine Vinegar

4 Tablespoons Olive Oil

Juice from 1/2 Lemon

Salt and pepper

Mix Dressing ingredients in a bowl and whisk together and pour over veggies.  Let set for at least an hour before serving to marinate.

Enjoy!!

Apple Rings and first Day of School

I made something AMAZING last night for dessert.  Apple Rings.  They are similar to onion rings but they are a healthier, sweeter version of them.  Healthier, I mean they are gluten free, and sugar free (made with Splenda) and they are sooooo GOOD!  It has a fall appeal to them which makes them perfect for the first day of school today.  Or last night which is when we had them.  

Apple Rings

Kendall started her first day of 7th grade today.  Wow where does the time go?  It seems like yesterday she just had her last day and summer just began.  We had an amazing summer though.  I think we were able to pack as full as possible with things to do and places to see.

First day of 7th grade!

We started it off with camp for Kendall that started the Monday school got out. From there we headed down to Tennessee for our Family Reunion.  That was a blast!  (See previous post). 

All the cousins together at the Reunion

 We then took a trip to Ohio and stayed at the infamous Kalahari Water park and attended the NHRA race that was there.  

Norwalk Ohio Race

At Kalahari

Everyone squeezed in for an elevator selfie at Kalahari.

She went to her dads for a week, and that is when Harry and I took a trip to the Middle East (yes I said Middle East!) and came back and was able to spend a few days in Tennessee by ourselves for some much needed couple time.

Harry and I in Qatar

Then in Tennessee

  August came and we had Harry and Kendalls birthdays, Back to school shopping and 2 more trips to Tennessee to end the summer.  Wow thats a lot!  Oh and yes we battled Head lice this summer.  UGH!  We think she got it on a trip with Hillary in Indianapolis at a movie theater.  Makes me think twice about putting my head against the seat at any public place!  That was 2 weeks of HELL.  To finally getting rid of them by using a home made natural product of Crisco. Whew!

 The birthday boy and girl!

Birthday fiesta!

Oh yea My niece got engaged this summer also!  She is one amazing girl and I am so excited for her!  The big day is this November!!!!

One last thought….I found and booked our reception venue and….I found a DRESS!!!! 

Its been a great summer!

Apple Rings

3-4 Apples -Cut the inside core out with a biscuit cutter

1/2 Cup Gluten Free Flour

1/4 Cup Splenda

1 Teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 Cup Almond Milk

Canola Oil

Splenda and Cinnamon to roll the rings in after cooking.

Cut apples and heat oil in a iron skillet.  Dip apple rings in almond milk , coating both sides, then dip into flour, splenda and cinnamon mixture and drop into hot oil.  Fry on both sides til brown and crispy.  Drain on paper towel and then dip in splenda and cinnamon mixture.  Serve with some Walden Farms Carmel for dipping.  Soo Good!!

Enjoy!!